Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
