I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
