My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
