I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
