Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
