Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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