don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it's great music for shaving your balls
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize