who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
