tonight lets celebrate not being married
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
