I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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