The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
