biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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