in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
