the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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