Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she told me i tasted like america
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
