we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
