Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
