Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
