I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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