he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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