I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
