opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
