your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
