I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
