Only a mothe r could love this liver
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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