and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm like, not good at living.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
