i barfeds in our rink
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
