My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
