Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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