I wish I could teleport
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
