Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
