i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
