Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
