Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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