so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
