Do vagina's smell?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
