So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
