Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
