Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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