You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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