omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
