You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
