i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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