I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He is an equal opportunity slut.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
