i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Pooping to opera.
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