I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
