i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
