Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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