time to smoke my breakfast
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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