well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
