We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
