dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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