Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
