how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
