imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
