i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
