I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
