I wish I only lived at night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
