Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
