kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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