she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
