i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
