What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
