ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
