So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize