Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
