I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize