Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
