you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize