i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
