I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I pour the whiskey from now on
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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