JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
